Here Is the Intro. It’s Awesome.
Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris. Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offense. And here’s the thing about people who think they hate computers… What they really hate is lousy programmers. Always program as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
Computers are useless… They can only give you answers. Any code of your own that you haven’t looked at for six or more months might as well have been written by someone else. Deleted code is debugged code. It’s not a bug – it’s an undocumented feature.
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Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++? “There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.” (Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977) Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like.
But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN’T be like. Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs, while the Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job.
Finally… A Simple, Full-Width Content Row.
The city’s central computer told you? R2D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer! PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals. One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that – lacking a zero – they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs. Computers are useless… They can only give you answers.
Content With Image. Again.
There is no programming language – no matter how structured – that will prevent programmers from making bad programs. There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses. Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file. “Windows NT addresses 2 Gigabytes of RAM, which is more than any application will ever need.” (Microsoft, on the development of Windows NT, 1992)
There’s an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy to use as his telephone. That wish has come true, since I no longer know how to use my telephone. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. Any code of your own that you haven’t looked at for six or more months might as well have been written by someone else. The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
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Just remember: you’re not a ‘dummy,’ no matter what those computer books claim. Resistance Is Futile… You Will Be Assimilated. Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork. Computers are getting smarter all the time. Scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. And by ‘they’, I mean ‘computers’. I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.
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One man’s crappy software is another man’s full-time job. The cheapest, fastest, and most reliable components are those that aren’t there. I’ve noticed lately that the paranoid fear of computers becoming intelligent and taking over the world has almost entirely disappeared from the common culture. Near as I can tell, this coincides with the release of MS-DOS. Good programmers use their brains, but good guidelines save us having to think out every case. If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
We Need To Talk!
Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN’T be like. The best programmers are not marginally better than merely good ones. They are an order-of-magnitude better, measured by whatever standard: conceptual creativity, speed, ingenuity of design, or problem-solving ability. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job.
An Image Carousel With… More.
Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN’T be like. The best programmers are not marginally better than merely good ones. They are an order-of-magnitude better, measured by whatever standard: conceptual creativity, speed, ingenuity of design, or problem-solving ability. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job.
Tabs & Accordions
Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++? (Richard A. O’Keefe) There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. (Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977) Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like.
Tab One Lorem Ipsum.
Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++? (Richard A. O’Keefe) There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. (Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977) Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like.
But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN’T be like. (pixadel) The best programmers are not marginally better than merely good ones. They are an order-of-magnitude better, measured by whatever standard: conceptual creativity, speed, ingenuity of design, or problem-solving ability. (Randall E. Stross) Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job. (Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering)
Tab Two Lorem Ipsum.
Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++? (Richard A. O’Keefe) There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. (Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977) Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like.
But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN’T be like. (pixadel) The best programmers are not marginally better than merely good ones. They are an order-of-magnitude better, measured by whatever standard: conceptual creativity, speed, ingenuity of design, or problem-solving ability. (Randall E. Stross) Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job. (Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering)
Tab Three Lorem Ipsum.
Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++? (Richard A. O’Keefe) There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. (Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977) Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like.
But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN’T be like. (pixadel) The best programmers are not marginally better than merely good ones. They are an order-of-magnitude better, measured by whatever standard: conceptual creativity, speed, ingenuity of design, or problem-solving ability. (Randall E. Stross) Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job. (Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering)
Tab Four Lorem Ipsum.
Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++? (Richard A. O’Keefe) There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. (Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977) Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like.
But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN’T be like. (pixadel) The best programmers are not marginally better than merely good ones. They are an order-of-magnitude better, measured by whatever standard: conceptual creativity, speed, ingenuity of design, or problem-solving ability. (Randall E. Stross) Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job. (Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering)
Feature Grid
The city’s central computer told you? R2D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer! PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals. One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that – lacking a zero – they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs. Computers are useless… They can only give you answers.
Feature One
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Just Read It BroFeature Two
Any code of your own that you haven’t looked at for six or more months might as well have been written by someone else.
Get The NewsFeature Three
Just remember: you’re not a ‘dummy,’ no matter what those computer books claim. Resistance Is Futile… You Will Be Assimilated.
Click On MeFeature Four
Windows NT addresses 2 Gigabytes of RAM, which is more than any application will ever need.
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